The Segway Saga

10 Jul

There are few things in life that I have boldly declared to never be caught dead doing.  Riding a segway is one.  I’m the person who laughs every time I see one. Every time!  A segway has to be the most awkward mode of transportation. Even more awkward than a tandem bike because that at least involves some physical activity and has some element of adorable attached to it.  Even when two guys ride on one together down the San Diego boardwalk…

When the movie Mall Cop came out, the segway did get a tad bit cooler after Paul Blart totally dominated one and saved the world small town mall.  But still, I vowed to never ride on one as long as I lived.  I’m sure you can tell where this story is going… it all started with an e-mail from Living Social and a forwarded message to my sister’s boyfriend, now fiancé, Will.  Living Social was offering a discounted segway tour and to be funny, I forwarded the message to Will (who may or may not be the guy on the left in the picture above) and told him that I had the perfect idea for Deirdre’s 25th birthday.  I expected a quick response, maybe an LOL or a “Oh my god, she would KILL us!”  I did get a laugh, but I also got a,  “Awesome! Let’s do it.  I’ll buy my ticket now.”

Wait.

What?

Oh.

Crap.

And that’s how it happened.  We celebrated Deirdre’s birthday with tubing on the Comal River and private karaoke at the Highball on Saturday, and a segway tour to top it off on Sunday morning.  We arrived at SegCity and I must admit, I was a little bit nervous.  Not just about being seen on a segway.  But actually riding on one.  Our guide gave us a quick tutorial and we each got to practice for a  few minutes before hitting the road.  It took a while to feel balanced, but we all seemed to get the hang of it pretty quickly.  Little did we know that slowly practicing our right and left turns would not exactly prepare you for going full speed on a narrow sidewalk.  We were given the option of paying $10 for insurance – they almost did a good job of scaring us into it as the overall cost of a segway is over $6,000, but we all declined.  Unless I was hit by a mack truck on my segway, I planned on returning it in decent shape.

We walked outside to claim our segways, and lined up behind our guide.  Will was first in line, followed by Deirdre, Firas, and Eeyore myself.  Just kidding – I wanted to be in the back because I didn’t want anyone (Firas) complaining about how slow I was going.  I’d like to say that we started off a slow pace.  But I would be lying.  We took off like mall cops out of hell.  We made a quick right turn onto another sidewalk and we were definitely picking up speed.  I was taking my sweet time while staying extremely focused on finding my “center” and not leaning too far forward or too far back.  Despite my tunnel vision, I still noticed that Deirdre seemed to be getting closer and closer to Will.  We were instructed to keep a good bit of distance between each segway just in case of an emergency stop, but Dee appeared to be getting a little too close for comfort.  As I sped up a little bit, I heard a frantic, “I can’t stop! I CAN’T STOP! I CAN’T STOPPPPPPPPP!”  With the third “I can’t stop”, Deirdre and her segway were flying off the sidewalk, tearing through the grass, and bouncing off the curb and into the road. Meanwhile, as she is flailing her body off of the segway, she is shouting, “I WANT INSURAAAANCE!!!!!”  She managed to keep her arm on the handle of the segway so that it didn’t tip over.  How she succeededin keeping it upright, I have no idea.  And how I succeeded in keeping myself upright, that’s an even bigger mystery.  I am crying laughing as I write this, so imagine me as it happened.  I nearly died.  Once I knew she was okay, of course.  It had to happen to one of us.  It just had to.  It was the scream for insurance that really got me.

Gang Sign on a Segway

Needless to say, the rest of the ride was a bit rocky.  Deirdre was timid, Firas was going top speed any chance he got, I was calling Firas a show-0ff, and Will was forced to go 5 MPH so he didn’t leave Deirdre in the dust.  Best birthday present ever.  And never to be repeated.

Posing in front of the Capitol

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One Response to “The Segway Saga”

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  1. Hello, hello again. Shaboom, shaboom. | Lauerland - March 25, 2013

    […] want to get back to writing about stuff that matters.  Stories about my residents.  Moments that made me laugh so hard I cried.  Events that broke my heart.  And so on.  Perhaps I’ve been a tad more […]

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