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Combat Queen

11 Jul

I’m not the best at exercise.  I go to the gym a few times a week, but I rarely ever look forward to it.  It’s more just something I do so that I don’t eventually have to wear a seat-belt extender on a plane and so I live long enough to see my grandchildren have children of their own.  But I do look forward to classes at the gym every once in a while.  I attend one class called Body Combat that is 60 minutes of nonstop cardio.  I often find myself pretending to be Sydney Bristow from Alias or Katniss from the Hunger Games to give myself a little more edge in class.  Whatever, it works.  I like Body Combat because it requires no thought or planning on my part… I just show up, mimic the instructor (to the best of my ability), and dread how sore I’ll be the following day.

I took Body Combat a few months ago with my friend Lindsay, which always makes the class more entertaining.  We can roll our eyes at the girls wearing only a sports bra and spandex (we get it, you’re hot), laugh at each other’s mistakes (often), and together we can count down the minutes until class is over.  Another female instructor was filling in for our regular girl on this particular day and she was extra perky.  If I closed my eyes, she sounded just like Dora the Explorer.  “We can do this!” “We can do anything if we do it together!” “Let’s do this team!” “Donde esta mi mochila?!” Okay, not the last one.  But seriously… team?  I don’t even know these people.  I get it though, some people like a cheerleader type to push them through a workout… those who know me know that I don’t respond well to overexcited motivational bits at the gym (ahem, Firas).  I guess I’m just a body combrat. Sorry, had to do it.  

Anyways, we got to a certain routine that involved turning our bodies to the side, slightly bending our knees, and slicing the air with our right hand.  I was shocked when the instructor said, “Straight for the scrotum! Aim for the scrotum!” I felt super awkward considering there was a man in front of me, and our other instructor had never been specific about the damage we were doing with these combat moves.  I also didn’t understand how a man’s scrotum could possibly be at the level of my arm, so I continued to squat lower and lower to make it more realistic.  Not easy, and kind of disturbing.

A few days later, Lindsay and I were talking about Body Combat to a few co-workers and I mentioned to her that I had told Firas about the scrotum experience.  I told her that Firas was appalled and said, “SEE?! That is why I am never taking one of those classes with you – they’re clearly designed for women only!” This is when Lindsay interjected and said, “Oh my God, Jaclyn…. THE STERNUM, AIM FOR THE STERNUM!”  

Oh. Whoops.



Speak Your Mind Monday

17 Jun

There have been many cringe-worthy moments in my career.  Working with residents with dementia is an honor, but it also presents many opportunities for wishing I could pull an Alex Mack and turn into silver slime in three seconds flat.  I remember a woman from my senior internship, my very first experience working with the elderly, who had absolutely no shame in speaking her mind.  She might tell you that a particular hairstyle didn’t work for you, that she wasn’t crazy about the banana cream pie, or that she would rather not participate in exercise because she was old and wasn’t looking for a man.  Or she might pull something like this…

There were over 200 residents from the Assisted Living, Independent Living, and Health Care units gathered for a concert in the theater (this place was very upscale) and I brought a few residents from the memory care unit to enjoy the show.  This was always a treat for them, and whether or not they remembered they had attended it once returning to their room wasn’t important… for an hour or two, they were just ordinary people attending a show.  On this particular occasion, I remember the show ending and getting my residents ready to leave.  Men and women from the other units were making their way down the aisle, and before I could stop the thought that I should have known was forming from hitting her tongue, I heard, “THAT MAN IS BOWLEGGED!”  Oh,  and just in case you weren’t able to hear her yelling across the theater, she was also pointing at him.  Cringe.


26 Oct

The highlights of my work week include:

  • Calling a resident “babe”.  Not a sweet little white-haired female resident in her 90’s.   But a male resident in his 40’s.  “If you don’t feel comfortable talking to the psychologist, ba — AHH, you don’t have to.”  Talk about sending the wrong signal.  I must stop calling Firas “babe”.
  • Carving pumpkins with my residents and having them work hard to preserve the seeds for roasting, only to remember right as they came out of the oven that 80% of the residents are on a mechanical soft diet and wouldn’t be able to enjoy them.  So naturally, I told them they were burnt.  Minutes later, my assistant and I had to have a “meeting” = a pumpkin seed feast in our office.
  • One male resident in his 70’s playing Celine Dion’s “I’m Your Lady” on his iPhone.  On repeat.  For three days.  Even when sitting in the dining room chowing down on a hamburger and fries.  It’s one of those songs that you might blare in your car when you’re all alone and you just need to LET IT OUT.  Not the case with this man.  The best part is staff walking around subconciously singing, ” ‘Cause I’m your laaaaady, and you are my maaaaan” under their breath.  Including me, obviously.

Enjoy your weekend!


Happy Thursday!

11 Oct

I Missed the Bus!

27 Jul

And I’m never ever ever gonna do it again.

Shout out to the West Leigh Posse circa 1998! We’d purposefully miss the bus in the hopes that whoever had to drive us to school would stop for donuts on the way. Or was that only my ultimate goal? The worst was when Bus Driver Bill saw us hiding behind the powerlines and kept the bus at the stop for way too long. I think one of us had to pretend we were getting sick in order for him to leave. And I wonder why my first boyfriend wasn’t until college…

Anyway, Tony and I are NOT going to miss the bus on our upcoming trip to NYC for his cousin’s wedding. We are going up Saturday morning and coming home Sunday afternoon so we didn’t want to mess with the hassle of flying and don’t want to pay for parking in the city, so we’re taking the bus! Our expectations are very low since we’ve only taken the Chinatown bus, but from what we’ve heard Bolt and Megabus are much better.

Fares are comparable, so I wanted to hear what others thought about the two companies. Which bus would you take from DC to NYC? Leave a comment with your reasoning if you have a strong opinion either way!

Congratulations are in order!

8 Jul

Jaclyn and Firas are engaged!!!!!!!!!

Congratulations to a beautiful couple- inside and out. We could not be happier for them and we are so excited for all that the future has to hold. Jaclyn and Firas, here’s to life’s next big ADVENTURE!

Baby, You’re a Firework

4 Jul

Hope everyone has a safe and FUN 4th of July!  Nicole and Deirdre are headed to the Outer Banks, NC and Jaclyn is jetting off to Miami.  There will be plenty of pictures and stories when we return!

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